Over the week/weekend, I had two people who really love me, ironically both of which are mothers extremely close to me, project their worry onto me. However, I realize the worry is all around me and it is me who has the control to not let it affect me. It is hard to do when the people you love are the ones who project it onto you, but that is usually how it goes in life. Our loved ones can being the ones hindering us even if they are not doing it intentionally.
That is when I realized, I don't want to do that to my kids. Easy to say, right? I can't say I am not going to make the same mistakes as those before me, but I can try to stop the cycle.
Over the weekend, I started my reading which can help me with this.
1. Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, By: Lisa Flynn
I didn't think I'd get so sucked into Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, but right away I had to agree with the author's introduction, children these days are over scheduled and over stimulated. That is one thing our family has been working on, we tend to over schedule and try to fit everything in. This makes transitioning hard with our son and doesn't allow us to be very present in what we are doing. The technology and media overstimulates our kids. The author made me stop and think, how do children stop and deal with their stress? And do we really deal with our stress before it is too late? We need free play, yoga/meditation, or some type of stress reliving activity depending on the individual. The yoga book gave great examples of why yoga helps counteract stress in children and adults. By getting the blood flowing and connecting with one's mind through moving their body in various yoga poses, the breathing and concentration helps us focus on the here and now.
2. The Conscious Parent (see page titled Sophie's book club for info on author and where to buy)
When I read a self help book, like The Conscious Parent, I really have to dissect it to benefit from it. That is my advice to anyone wanting to seek help from these books, write down the parts that resonate with you so you can journal and think about what you are really feeling. Getting into chapter one, I knew this was just the book I was looking for. Rather than focusing on just the child's behavior, the author is asking you to think about your own. When I think back to the weekend where I let other people's anxiety get the best of me, I realized I was dealing with my own insecurities and allowing their anxieties to be picked up by me. Now when I think about it, what insecurities are we all facing? I'd say the biggest one I am facing at the moment is the worry of failing and I think it would be safe to say I am not alone. To quote the author, Shefali Tsabary, "to parent perfectly is a mirage. There is no ideal parent and no ideal child." (pg. 0, Note to Parent) Although, what I was stressing about this weekend wasn't my parenting, this is always in the back of my head. Tsabary brings up a good point, "how liberating for parents to feel like they can really let go and let their children just be." (pg. 21) She is not saying to be permissive. Rather, the point is not to break our children's spirit with our own egos and agendas. I am tired of living with the should of, could off, and what ifs, and I also want to let go of thought that I am in control. I will never be. I agree with Chapter one, we are raising spirits with their own signature. We do not own our kids, but we were blessed to enjoy them and hold their hands along the way. I have grown so much from my kids, and I need to enjoy the rest of the parenting ride. There is so much more to learn.
