It was just one of those days. One of those days I stubbed my toe hard as heck, my phone stopped working from water damage (not very smart of me to put it on a table by where the kids where swimming), and I had a sewing fail on a project I had been working on too long. All in all, it was my attitude that was to blame. I loved spending the day with my daughter, but I really wanted to get out of the house. When the day didn't work out as I had planned, I started freaking out inside. I know what your thinking, and you are right, rather dramatic of me.
But, allow me this one day. Although, I want to appreciate everyday to the fullest, just like the old saying goes. I am human. I am going to have days where my hormones may be to blame and my attitude just might stink. But never let it last longer than that. Catch yourself and try to snap out of it as much as you can.
The day still turned out nice. My toes okay, my phones replaceable (maybe even fixable), and I learned a lot from my sewing project. I even learned a lot from the day. It made me remember, I don't want those days. I need to continue my journey of taking care of myself. There are so many ways I can do that. I could start again by breathing calmly and counting my blessings.
Thank god for my sweet, precious, and patient family. Good night, good night...
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Being Social a Challenge?
Being social is slowly getting to be a chore for me. It is harder than I thought to have a balanced social life. And honestly, does it matter? For some, that is an easy answer. Friends are your life. Especially, if we ask a 15 year old girl.
When I became pregnant at 21, I decided to give it all up. I left my job and as lucky as I was to make that work, staying home and going to college online was isolating. However, it enabled me to stay at home and care for my first true love. I didn't have to go through what the other moms went through when it came to leaving my child each and every day so I could make ends meet. I was fortunate. Not rich in any way, but we made it work. We counted our pennies and lived frugally. That also meant no going out. We couldn't even afford it. Plus, who would babysit!? At the time, I didn't like to ask for help. I stopped calling people as much, and those that really cared still stopped by and checked up on me. But as fortunate as I was to have those few good friends that still stopped by. I also learned, in the most recent years that taking time outs from our kids and being social is important to keeping an own identity.
Being social to everyone is different. To some it means going to crowded venues. To others, it could be getting together with a few good friends out and about. Either way, keeping those connections and/or creating new ones is important to growing.
Ironically, I use to be a social butterfly. As the years progressed and my hormones outraged, I lost more and more due to drama and adolescent crap. That was and is ok. I have not had a "group" of friends since I was high school. And that is okay for me. I'm sure it is like that for most adults. However, my husband and I are starting to find it harder to socialize. We are fortunate for the friends we do have and wouldn't trade them for the world.
Any of you moms going through the same thing?
I think we all go through it at some point in time. Maybe even numerous times, and this phase is part of the journey of finding our identity. Who am I? Is this the core of it all, wondering who we are individually? Are we all trying to feel different and special. I believe we all are, and we all are a little lost. At the very least, that is what I'm convincing myself of right now and I am finding peace in writing this. Thank you for reading.
When I became pregnant at 21, I decided to give it all up. I left my job and as lucky as I was to make that work, staying home and going to college online was isolating. However, it enabled me to stay at home and care for my first true love. I didn't have to go through what the other moms went through when it came to leaving my child each and every day so I could make ends meet. I was fortunate. Not rich in any way, but we made it work. We counted our pennies and lived frugally. That also meant no going out. We couldn't even afford it. Plus, who would babysit!? At the time, I didn't like to ask for help. I stopped calling people as much, and those that really cared still stopped by and checked up on me. But as fortunate as I was to have those few good friends that still stopped by. I also learned, in the most recent years that taking time outs from our kids and being social is important to keeping an own identity.
Being social to everyone is different. To some it means going to crowded venues. To others, it could be getting together with a few good friends out and about. Either way, keeping those connections and/or creating new ones is important to growing.
Ironically, I use to be a social butterfly. As the years progressed and my hormones outraged, I lost more and more due to drama and adolescent crap. That was and is ok. I have not had a "group" of friends since I was high school. And that is okay for me. I'm sure it is like that for most adults. However, my husband and I are starting to find it harder to socialize. We are fortunate for the friends we do have and wouldn't trade them for the world.
Any of you moms going through the same thing?
I think we all go through it at some point in time. Maybe even numerous times, and this phase is part of the journey of finding our identity. Who am I? Is this the core of it all, wondering who we are individually? Are we all trying to feel different and special. I believe we all are, and we all are a little lost. At the very least, that is what I'm convincing myself of right now and I am finding peace in writing this. Thank you for reading.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Our past and our present
"The ways in which our past influences our present are indelible, yet paradoxically obstructed from plain view. That is why it takes someone so close for us to mirror our wounds from our past, which is the reason why our children are able to set us free. Unfortunately, we parents don't allow them to fulfill their spiritual purpose in life. Instead, we seek to make them fulfill our egoic plans and fantasies." (pg.19, Tsabary)
Cited from Sophie's book club reading for August.
Cited from Sophie's book club reading for August.
My Emotional Rollercoaster
So it began, the start of kindergarten. Although, I felt ready, nothing prepared me for the separation anxiety I would experience. This time had been coming and we knew this. And we were going to conquer it! School clothes shopping was done and he had been driving me nuts all summer. I knew he was ready for this change and I knew I needed a brake. Just like that, the first day of school came and went. He let go of my hand and slowly made his way out onto the playground. It was hard to watch him struggle. Although, I realize it is not struggling when he is growing into his own individual. I can't do everything for him and I will not always be there to make things easier. He will learn on his own. I have to show his that I am confident he can do so. And I am confident in him. But he is just my little baby. And it is so hard to look at him as anything else.
So what am I doing for myself besides worrying about him? Well, I am trying to live again and I am trying to change my habit of worrying that I have developed in the last five years of becoming a mother. I am at am in-between stage. I still have a young toddler at home. So I cannot go out into the world just yet. I do have the luxury of giving the first sole attention now. But I know she needs a healthy mom. One that has a life of her own. Her own interests, goals, and dreams. I find it nice to go to school now and participate in that environment. The moms/dads are nice at my son's school and it is nice to have those casual parenting conversations everyday. There use to be days where I didn't get to talk to an adult. The stay at home mom life can be isolating and even when I was taking classes at the university, I would take online classes so I could stay at home with my first born.
With that said, I also have been conquering some other issues along with my anxiety that I'd like to work on now. Along with worrying about my kids, I have been worrying about what others think.
My question is why do I care what everyone else thinks? To some extent it is healthy to maintain your appearances and of course, be respectful to others, but with my son being in school. Why do I all of the sudden feel like I am in school. That has to stop! And I realize that is all me and my insecurities. I have a long road ahead of me with Sophia only being 1. I will be doing this school stuff for the next 17 years. The reality is that I cannot get consumed in it too much, that is their world. I am just their to be their support, soft spot to land, and #1 fan. It is just such a new experience. It has been so neat to watch my son grow outside his comfort zone and show me what a capable little man he is becoming. I was so worried just as I am sure moms all over America are about their little ones, but the truth is, with love and support they will do just fine.
Life is a journey, each step we encounter new ways of living hopefully a fuller life. My goal is to work on my anxiety so I can really enjoy everyday and be a happier person. What are some of your goals?
So what am I doing for myself besides worrying about him? Well, I am trying to live again and I am trying to change my habit of worrying that I have developed in the last five years of becoming a mother. I am at am in-between stage. I still have a young toddler at home. So I cannot go out into the world just yet. I do have the luxury of giving the first sole attention now. But I know she needs a healthy mom. One that has a life of her own. Her own interests, goals, and dreams. I find it nice to go to school now and participate in that environment. The moms/dads are nice at my son's school and it is nice to have those casual parenting conversations everyday. There use to be days where I didn't get to talk to an adult. The stay at home mom life can be isolating and even when I was taking classes at the university, I would take online classes so I could stay at home with my first born.
With that said, I also have been conquering some other issues along with my anxiety that I'd like to work on now. Along with worrying about my kids, I have been worrying about what others think.
My question is why do I care what everyone else thinks? To some extent it is healthy to maintain your appearances and of course, be respectful to others, but with my son being in school. Why do I all of the sudden feel like I am in school. That has to stop! And I realize that is all me and my insecurities. I have a long road ahead of me with Sophia only being 1. I will be doing this school stuff for the next 17 years. The reality is that I cannot get consumed in it too much, that is their world. I am just their to be their support, soft spot to land, and #1 fan. It is just such a new experience. It has been so neat to watch my son grow outside his comfort zone and show me what a capable little man he is becoming. I was so worried just as I am sure moms all over America are about their little ones, but the truth is, with love and support they will do just fine.
 |
Life is a journey, each step we encounter new ways of living hopefully a fuller life. My goal is to work on my anxiety so I can really enjoy everyday and be a happier person. What are some of your goals?
Monday, August 4, 2014
The Conscious Parent Project
Over the week/weekend, I had two people who really love me, ironically both of which are mothers extremely close to me, project their worry onto me. However, I realize the worry is all around me and it is me who has the control to not let it affect me. It is hard to do when the people you love are the ones who project it onto you, but that is usually how it goes in life. Our loved ones can being the ones hindering us even if they are not doing it intentionally.
That is when I realized, I don't want to do that to my kids. Easy to say, right? I can't say I am not going to make the same mistakes as those before me, but I can try to stop the cycle.
Over the weekend, I started my reading which can help me with this.
1. Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, By: Lisa Flynn
I didn't think I'd get so sucked into Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, but right away I had to agree with the author's introduction, children these days are over scheduled and over stimulated. That is one thing our family has been working on, we tend to over schedule and try to fit everything in. This makes transitioning hard with our son and doesn't allow us to be very present in what we are doing. The technology and media overstimulates our kids. The author made me stop and think, how do children stop and deal with their stress? And do we really deal with our stress before it is too late? We need free play, yoga/meditation, or some type of stress reliving activity depending on the individual. The yoga book gave great examples of why yoga helps counteract stress in children and adults. By getting the blood flowing and connecting with one's mind through moving their body in various yoga poses, the breathing and concentration helps us focus on the here and now.
2. The Conscious Parent (see page titled Sophie's book club for info on author and where to buy)
When I read a self help book, like The Conscious Parent, I really have to dissect it to benefit from it. That is my advice to anyone wanting to seek help from these books, write down the parts that resonate with you so you can journal and think about what you are really feeling. Getting into chapter one, I knew this was just the book I was looking for. Rather than focusing on just the child's behavior, the author is asking you to think about your own. When I think back to the weekend where I let other people's anxiety get the best of me, I realized I was dealing with my own insecurities and allowing their anxieties to be picked up by me. Now when I think about it, what insecurities are we all facing? I'd say the biggest one I am facing at the moment is the worry of failing and I think it would be safe to say I am not alone. To quote the author, Shefali Tsabary, "to parent perfectly is a mirage. There is no ideal parent and no ideal child." (pg. 0, Note to Parent) Although, what I was stressing about this weekend wasn't my parenting, this is always in the back of my head. Tsabary brings up a good point, "how liberating for parents to feel like they can really let go and let their children just be." (pg. 21) She is not saying to be permissive. Rather, the point is not to break our children's spirit with our own egos and agendas. I am tired of living with the should of, could off, and what ifs, and I also want to let go of thought that I am in control. I will never be. I agree with Chapter one, we are raising spirits with their own signature. We do not own our kids, but we were blessed to enjoy them and hold their hands along the way. I have grown so much from my kids, and I need to enjoy the rest of the parenting ride. There is so much more to learn.
That is when I realized, I don't want to do that to my kids. Easy to say, right? I can't say I am not going to make the same mistakes as those before me, but I can try to stop the cycle.
Over the weekend, I started my reading which can help me with this.
1. Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, By: Lisa Flynn
I didn't think I'd get so sucked into Yoga for Children: 200+ Yoga Poses, Breathing Exercises, and Meditations for Healthier, Happier, More Resilient Children, but right away I had to agree with the author's introduction, children these days are over scheduled and over stimulated. That is one thing our family has been working on, we tend to over schedule and try to fit everything in. This makes transitioning hard with our son and doesn't allow us to be very present in what we are doing. The technology and media overstimulates our kids. The author made me stop and think, how do children stop and deal with their stress? And do we really deal with our stress before it is too late? We need free play, yoga/meditation, or some type of stress reliving activity depending on the individual. The yoga book gave great examples of why yoga helps counteract stress in children and adults. By getting the blood flowing and connecting with one's mind through moving their body in various yoga poses, the breathing and concentration helps us focus on the here and now.
2. The Conscious Parent (see page titled Sophie's book club for info on author and where to buy)
When I read a self help book, like The Conscious Parent, I really have to dissect it to benefit from it. That is my advice to anyone wanting to seek help from these books, write down the parts that resonate with you so you can journal and think about what you are really feeling. Getting into chapter one, I knew this was just the book I was looking for. Rather than focusing on just the child's behavior, the author is asking you to think about your own. When I think back to the weekend where I let other people's anxiety get the best of me, I realized I was dealing with my own insecurities and allowing their anxieties to be picked up by me. Now when I think about it, what insecurities are we all facing? I'd say the biggest one I am facing at the moment is the worry of failing and I think it would be safe to say I am not alone. To quote the author, Shefali Tsabary, "to parent perfectly is a mirage. There is no ideal parent and no ideal child." (pg. 0, Note to Parent) Although, what I was stressing about this weekend wasn't my parenting, this is always in the back of my head. Tsabary brings up a good point, "how liberating for parents to feel like they can really let go and let their children just be." (pg. 21) She is not saying to be permissive. Rather, the point is not to break our children's spirit with our own egos and agendas. I am tired of living with the should of, could off, and what ifs, and I also want to let go of thought that I am in control. I will never be. I agree with Chapter one, we are raising spirits with their own signature. We do not own our kids, but we were blessed to enjoy them and hold their hands along the way. I have grown so much from my kids, and I need to enjoy the rest of the parenting ride. There is so much more to learn.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
What is Anxiety?
"The time you wasted in your life worrying about things in your life that never happened." I do this so much as a mom.
I worry that things that happened to me, will happen to them or even worse…and somehow it seems I do this because I think it will help, right? Wrong, it won't help and it could potentially make things worse. Or just plague them with the anxiety I have. Do I think my thoughts have secret powers? Well according to the law of attraction they do, so I have to stop focusing on the things I don't want to happen and start thinking about all the things I do want to happen. I must also have faith in my kids strength and praise them for it. I am here to support them but not to live for them. They have their own lives and journeys. I want to enjoy every minute and this anxiety is robbing me of these precious years.
What are the steps we can take to decrease this anxiety? This is the question I keep asking myself and I feel stuck. I am not sure where to start. I know hobbies are key, they bring positive feelings which overpower the anxiousness. I also think diet and exercise increase energy during the day and help us get better sleep at night makes for happy people. All these uplifting feelings leave a person confident. A good attitude and outlook on life can make all the difference in the world.
Mostly, is anxiety a choice we make in our head? A switch we turn off and on. I'd like to learn to turn mine off most the time. I want to spend more time being silly and in the moment rather than feeling stuck in the land of "what if." So here is to taking initiative to get away from that and turning the switch off, because life is just too dang short to worry about all those things.
I worry that things that happened to me, will happen to them or even worse…and somehow it seems I do this because I think it will help, right? Wrong, it won't help and it could potentially make things worse. Or just plague them with the anxiety I have. Do I think my thoughts have secret powers? Well according to the law of attraction they do, so I have to stop focusing on the things I don't want to happen and start thinking about all the things I do want to happen. I must also have faith in my kids strength and praise them for it. I am here to support them but not to live for them. They have their own lives and journeys. I want to enjoy every minute and this anxiety is robbing me of these precious years.
What are the steps we can take to decrease this anxiety? This is the question I keep asking myself and I feel stuck. I am not sure where to start. I know hobbies are key, they bring positive feelings which overpower the anxiousness. I also think diet and exercise increase energy during the day and help us get better sleep at night makes for happy people. All these uplifting feelings leave a person confident. A good attitude and outlook on life can make all the difference in the world.
Mostly, is anxiety a choice we make in our head? A switch we turn off and on. I'd like to learn to turn mine off most the time. I want to spend more time being silly and in the moment rather than feeling stuck in the land of "what if." So here is to taking initiative to get away from that and turning the switch off, because life is just too dang short to worry about all those things.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
The little things
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| Sophie playing ball |
It's the little things in life…like learning to use a spoon, learning to play ball, and swimming with cousins in the backyard. The sound of laughter is what I love most and what I need to focus on. I realize I need to laugh more. More often then not, I find myself thinking what I should be doing. What about stopping and smelling the roses? It's not till you get older, those sayings ring true and that one is one that needs reminding. Stop and enjoy the moments with our children now. Even the difficult times can be looked back on and make you laugh. Even if the day seems to be going bad, there is always time to stop and change your attitude. It is never too late. We can still try to smile, find some humor and laugh with our children.
How are you feeling today moms? How do you stay positive?
*Calling a friend to vent
*Positive self-talk
*Mommy time-out (maybe a bath or some tea with that!)
*Realizing that you cannot fix everything and just being there in the moment for your children.
Article of the Day: http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/How_To__stop_yelling_at_kids/
I really liked all the techniques the author gives for ways to calm yourself. She gives a 10 step plan which is very clear and made me think, why didn't I try that sooner?!
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