My Emotional Rollercoaster

So it began, the start of kindergarten. Although, I felt ready, nothing prepared me for the separation anxiety I would experience. This time had been coming and we knew this. And we were going to conquer it! School clothes shopping was done and he had been driving me nuts all summer. I knew he was ready for this change and I knew I needed a brake. Just like that, the first day of school came and went. He let go of my hand and slowly made his way out onto the playground. It was hard to watch him struggle. Although, I realize it is not struggling when he is growing into his own individual. I can't do everything for him and I will not always be there to make things easier. He will learn on his own. I have to show his that I am confident he can do so. And I am confident in him. But he is just my little baby. And it is so hard to look at him as anything else.

So what am I doing for myself besides worrying about him? Well, I am trying to live again and I am trying to change my habit of worrying that I have developed in the last five years of becoming a mother. I am at am in-between stage. I still have a young toddler at home. So I cannot go out into the world just yet. I do have the luxury of giving the first sole attention now. But I know she needs a healthy mom. One that has a life of her own. Her own interests, goals, and dreams. I find it nice to go to school now and participate in that environment. The moms/dads are nice at my son's school and it is nice to have those casual parenting conversations everyday. There use to be days where I didn't get to talk to an adult. The stay at home mom life can be isolating and even when I was taking classes at the university, I would take online classes so I could stay at home with my first born.

With that said, I also have been conquering some other issues along with my anxiety that I'd like to work on now. Along with worrying about my kids, I have been worrying about what others think.

My question is why do I care what everyone else thinks? To some extent it is healthy to maintain your appearances and of course, be respectful to others, but with my son being in school. Why do I all of the sudden feel like I am in school. That has to stop! And I realize that is all me and my insecurities. I have a long road ahead of me with Sophia only being 1. I will be doing this school stuff for the next 17 years. The reality is that I cannot get consumed in it too much, that is their world. I am just their to be their support, soft spot to land, and #1 fan. It is just such a new experience. It has been so neat to watch my son grow outside his comfort zone and show me what a capable little man he is becoming. I was so worried just as I am sure moms all over America are about their little ones, but the truth is, with love and support they will do just fine.

Life is a journey, each step we encounter new ways of living hopefully a fuller life. My goal is to work on my anxiety so I can really enjoy everyday and be a happier person. What are some of your goals?